The A-Z of Barney

Greetings from Guantanamo, Hackney. Pants has finally let me have my own page. I pushed for my own blog but she said, and I quote, "when you chip in half of the fifteen quid I have to pay that reprobate 'Sir' Richbastard Brandname to maintain a working relationship with the outside world, then you can wi-fi yourself daft. Until that day, you follow House of Pants guidelines to the letter.'

A lifeline was thrown to me by Signs. I'm being consulted at last. In demographic terms, I'm what's known as 'hard to reach'. Pants says, 'hard to catch, more like.' My voice is finally being heard. Actually, it's not very pleasant. I'm an early owly-cat. The harmonics are still in the experimental stages.

I, Barney the owly-cat have been memed. I've been asked a series of questions. The alphabet is very new to me but I've done my best. Even Pants grudgingly admits that's acceptable.

A ~ Available? What? Where? I want it.

B ~ Best friend? If you say so.

C ~ Cake or pie? Yes please.

D ~ Drink of choice? Don’t mind if I do.

E ~ Essential thing used every day? What would be the point of it otherwise?

F ~ Favourite colour? Stripes.

G ~ Gummi bears or worms? This is a question?

H ~ Hometown? Pet4U Labs, Silicone Valley, California, USA.

I ~ Indulgence? I’m rolling in it now.

J ~ January or February? Pants? We’re on holiday then, right?

K ~ Kids and names? Helpful if they have them.

L ~ Life is incomplete without? I agree wholeheartedly.

M ~ Marriage date? Well, which is it?

N ~ Number of siblings? I don’t believe they have numbers, although they probably should.

O ~ Oranges or apples? Are these the only round things on offer? Ball of wool? Hello?

P ~ Phobias/fears? I believe my owly-cathood to be under imminent threat. Call me later.

Q ~ Favourite quote? ‘The puss and the owly-cat went insane in a beautiful peacock’s coat. They took some bloke, stole his coke and wrapped it up in a fifty quid note.

R ~ Reason to smile? I nicked one of Lily Allen's crates of Special Brew at Glastonbury.

S~ Favourite Season: Tern, tern, tern.

T ~ Tag three people: Barney, Barney and Barney.

U ~ Unknown fact about me: True.

V ~ Vegetable you don't like: Also true.

W ~ Worst habit: Do they? Has anyone called Crimestoppers?

X ~ X-rays you've had: Ray is wrong. I was never anywhere near him.

Y ~ Your favourite food: Smoked salmon, as Ray very well knows.

Z ~ Zodiac: Did he? When?